Throughout 2023, I somehow became involved with a bunch of green-skinned extra-terrestrial musicians*. ‘The Alien Overlords’ claim to be one of the most successful musical acts in the galaxy and they approached me on “how to break into the lucrative music market on Earth” (their words). Despite my surprise at being spoken to by visitors from another world, I calmly explained there wasn’t much money in music on this planet. But they persisted … I have no idea why aliens would want human money – your guess is as good as mine. They threatened to melt my brain if I didn’t help. I’m quite fond of my brain, so did as I was told.
The aliens performed a couple of shows over the year, starting off with their leader Zargon featuring in the Dublin St, Patrick’s Day parade in March. After that, they disappeared for a while (probably conducting anal probes or something) but returned for the Spraoi festival in Waterford over the August Bank Holiday weekend.
The Overlords played a few shows on the streets and Zargon once again joined in the parade as it meandered through Waterford. After some more threats from the aliens, I helped get their song ‘Zorbareeno’ onto Earth’s music streaming platforms. They insist it’s been a huge hit across several star systems, but I don’t believe them. Truth be told, the song seems rather silly. The lyrics just sound like alien gibberish to me. Zargon says my puny human mind is too primitive to understand the fractal beauty of alien poetry, but I think he’s just bullshitting me. However, I don’t want him to melt my brain so I’m not getting in a big argument with him (or her, I don’t understand the gender identities of these aliens)
After the summer, the Alien Overlords flew off in their spaceship again – the stars their destination. One of them (the “brass” alien) took a load of cats with him as he says they’re a delicacy on his planet. Aliens – what can you do?!
Should the Alien Overlords return, I hope they bother someone else and leave me alone. However, Zargon left a strange looking device with me and said he would get in contact if the need arises.
If you’re feeling somewhat masochistic, you can listen to ‘Zorbareeno’ on Spotify, Apple Music or any of the other music platforms.
* this entire piece may be a pack of lies
